Truth comes from facing the messy, divided part of me, but also the beautiful part of me

I’ve been enjoying re-reading my first book Faith Refections as I edit and revise the kindle edition of it. For those who purchased the Kindle edition, you will be advised soon by Amazon that you can get the new version for free. 

 

As I have been reading, I realised how much my words continued to describe my journey today. Since I have now been writing the blog for close to three years, I have decided that from time to time I will share again some of the reflections that continue to capture where I am coming from today.

 

As I read the reflection below, which is also in the book, I was left with the sense that it captures the wrestle of my life, and my understanding of faith in a way that hasn’t changed much in the last three years. I hope you find it useful.

 

First published 12th September 2010

I had the opportunity to speak at church this morning.  We had a tour group in from Melbourne and it was one of the most enjoyable services I have been to in Poatina. There was a real sense of community but also of God’s presence.

I spoke about truth.

I had a chat yesterday with a friend about truth and whether you can know what it is, or whether it will always be subjective.

I was struck this morning by the lectionary reading: Psalm 51. It is such a deep and beautiful piece of writing because it comes out of great anguish. David write the Psalm after Nathan confronts him about his adultery and subsequent murder.

One line in particular struck me:

Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place. (Psalm 51:6)

Often when we are arguing for truth it is an external, theoretical truth. Here David says God wants us to face the reality of who we actually are.

The paradox of Faith is that I have to face the part of me that doesn’t love God in order to really love God.

Galatians 5:17 says that there are two parts of me:

For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.

Paul demonstrates this level of truth in Romans 7:15:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

I need to face the fact that there is an ugly, messy, self-interested part of me that is only interested in the kind of truth that helps me.

That part just doesn’t want to think about issues like the Congo.

I see these two sides most clearly, and in a way I can relate to in Psalm 73.

The writer of this Psalm looks out of the world and basically says “It’s not fair, the rich and corrupt are winning and the honest and faithful people are losing”.

I like the way the Message puts verses 11-14:

What’s going on here? Is God out to lunch?
Nobody’s tending the store.
The wicked get by with everything;
they have it made, piling up riches.
I’ve been stupid to play by the rules;
what has it gotten me?
A long run of bad luck, that’s what—
a slap in the face every time I walk out the door.

Can you identify with that? I certainly can!

Then Asaph has a realisation in verse 15:

If I’d have given in and talked like this,
I would have betrayed your dear children.

When I am coming from the place that doesn’t trust God, if I let that out it has the potential to damage everyone around me.

I tend to be someone who talks things through out loud, so this is a real danger for me. I am discovering that sometimes being faithful means keeping your mouth shut when you are feeling lost.

But what do you do?

Asaph tries to work it out in verse 16:

Still, when I tried to figure it out,
all I got was a splitting headache . . .

I can really identify with that. When I am feeling lost I tend to move quickly to my head to work out a plan or to understand what is going on. It never, never works.

All that tends to happen are sleepless nights and headaches when I come from that place.

In verse 17 Asaph discovers the key:

Until I entered the sanctuary of God.
Then I saw the whole picture:

Truth doesn’t come from my intellect, it comes from the paradoxical realisation that I don’t have it, and that God does.

Truth comes from facing the messy, divided part of me, but also the beautiful part of me that is created in the image of God.

This is why we need the word of God to help make sense of our souls.

Hebrews 4:12 says

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

To really know truth, we need help.