Is sex before marriage ok?

@revbrandanrobertson

#answer to @lanzsomintac #progressivechristan #christiansoftiktok #liberalchristian #progressiveclergy

? original sound – Rev. Brandan Robertson

Lately I have come across the idea that the bible doesn’t clearly say that sex before marriage is wrong.

It’s amazing how many different people seem to have come across the same argument to do with the King James Bible and the translation of the word fornication.

When I saw this TikTok video pop up on my feed I realised that I have not publicly addressed this question and that I probably need to.

To start with I will respond to the specifics things that @revbrandanrobertson says in the video and then will point you to a few verses that, from my study, give a fairly clear framework.

Brendan starts with the statement:

“There is not a single condemnation in all of the bible of pre-marital sex. There is a mistranslation in the New Testament of the Greek word porneía into the old English word fornication which does in-fact mean pre-marital sex.

But if you look up the Greek word porneía it does not neatly translate to fornication. It is a mistranslation. Porneía in Greek is what we call a ‘junk drawer’ word that means all sorts of sexual immorality.And that category of what is sexually immoral is different based on what culture or values you have. So there is no clear condemnation of pre-marital sex in the bible.”

The first major issue with Brandan’s argument is that he is basing his whole theology around the English Translation of a Greek word. I don’t know of any theologians, progressive or liberal, that would suggest this as a valid way of interpreting the bible. There is almost always a mis-match between the semantic range of individual words from original languages of the Bible and our English words. Words are imprecise and often convey multiple meanings, which is why the work of interpreting the bible is at least as much about understanding the context of the word as much as the meaning of the word itself.

Interestingly enough, that is exactly what Brandan does in the second part of his video where he points out that:

Now, yes, I do believe that lust is a sin. Lust is when you objectify another person, you strip them of their humanity and make them an object of your sexual gratification.

That is condemned in the bible because the bible tells us to treat every human with full dignity and respect, so that is why lust is condemned.

Do you see what he is doing there?

He is looking at the theme of Lust in the context of the whole bible and inferring a theology from that. He is then unpacking what lust means in English (rather than Greek), as a way of explaining the implications of the theology for English speaking people.

Interestingly Brandan seems to be contradicting himself a little. He has just told us that “what is sexually immoral is different based on what culture or values you have,” and then he has gone on to say that no-matter what culture or values you have, the bible is the framework we should use when we are thinking about lust.

His first argument is that the bible doesn’t teach that sex outside of marriage is wrong, but rather that the broader category of “sexual immorality” is wrong, and that there is no biblical measure of that, rather it is based on your own culture and values.

There are a number of verses about sexual immorality in the bible ( e.g. Ephesians 5:3, 1 Thessalonians 4:3, Acts 15:20, Colossians 3:5) but these hang on your understanding of the word porneía and so Brandan would want to write them off because they only apply to someone who is, in his view acting against their own values or culture.

Finding a moral framework

Even if the bible didn’t provide clear teaching on sex before marriage, the idea that your morality should be based on your own culture and values is bizarre for someone who purports to be a bible scholar. Jesus very clearly gives us an all-encompassing moral framework and urges us to base our whole lives on that framework:

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.

Matthew 7:24 NIV

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:29-30 NIV

Of course there are many things that Jesus and the New Testament don’t speak directly about (e.g. exceeding the speed limit, eating too much chocolate, bingeing Netflix), but the framework Jesus, and the bible, do give us (of things such as the Glory of God) give us enough of a way forward that we can usually work out what it means to be faithful in any given context.

It is important to understand what Jesus is saying in both these verses, and in many others. He is promising that if we adopt teaching, it is actually the best possible way of life. He is saying that building your life on what the culture tells you is right or what your own values happen to be, is actually a recipe for disaster.

This also means that as followers of Jesus we will continually be at odds with the culture that shapes us.

The culture we find ourselves in should never been the determinant of our values. In fact, the bible has a word for “our culture”: the world.

If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

John 15:19 NIV

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them.

1 John 2:15 NIV

That said, I don’t think we need to worry too much about constructing a theology of sex before marriage from the broad moral framework Jesus and the bible have given us, because the issue is addressed specifically and frequently from a variety of different angles.

What the bible does say about sex before marriage

In a minute I will point you to a few specific passages, but before I do, lets look at what one of the most liberal and comprehensive bible dictionaries says in its article on the word porneía, that Brendan says is so ambiguous:

The NT is characterised by an unconditional repudiation of all extra-marital and unnatural intercourse. In this respect it follows to a large degree the judgment of OT and Israelite preaching and transcends the legalistic practice of later Judaism, which is shown to be inadequate by the Word of Jesus. Jesus can and does effect this radicalising because the Gospel as saving forgiveness manifests the divine dynamic in this age.

(Theological Dictionary of the New Testament (TDNT-10 vol. set)

One of the most trusted Greek lexicons actually uses the word “fornication” for every one of it’s three definitions of porneía.

1 unlawful sexual intercourse, prostitution, unchastity, fornication

2 participation in prohibited degrees of marriage, fornication

3 immorality of a transcendent nature, fornication,

(Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature, 3rd. ed. (BDAG))

So simply on a factual basis about definitions, Brandan is on shaky ground. Very few Greek scholars would suggest that porneía means less that sex before marriage. In almost all cases definitions are broader than that, but they are never less than that.

In terms of what the bible is actually saying about sex before marriage, it is actually fairly clear.

Probably the clearest bible chapter on the matter doesn’t use the word porneía at all:

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (NIV)

This verse comes in the context of Paul s the reality that “sexual immorality (porneía) is occurring” in Corinthian society and gives very specific instructions for followers of Jesus living in a sex-obsessed culture. Roy Ciampa and Brian Rosner summarize Paul’s approach to sexual immorality in their Pillar New Testament Commentary on 1 Corinthians this way:

In Paul’s mind, the way to avoid the perils of extramarital sex is literally “to have” your own wife or husband, not in the sense of acquiring one, but by maintaining regular sexual relations with the one you already have.

(Pillar New Testament Commentary (PNTC): 15 Volume Set)

Paul reinforces this same message to younger people who might be in danger of not acting “honorably.”

If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married.

1 Corinthians 7:36 NIV

These verses alone put pay to the notion that the bible doesn’t address sex before marriage. It does, and the message is fairly clear.

These verses, though, are not isolated instances.

Take for instance this verse in Hebrews:

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Hebrews 13:4 NIV

Scholar Peter. T O’Brien says that this verse communicates that:

To assert that the marriage bed must be kept pure is to demand that the sexual integrity of the marriage relationship be preserved. The presupposition is that sexual relations within marriage are acceptable to God but those outside are not. Illicit sexual intercourse defiles the marriage bed (Gen. 49:4) and profanes what God has made holy. On the other hand, to heed the injunction is consistent with the pursuit of holiness which acknowledges the awesome, holy character of God

(Pillar New Testament Commentary Set (14 Vols.))

So Brandan, and anyone else who claims that the bible doesn’t condemn pre-marital sex is wrong.

Why does the bible make such a big deal about sex outside of marriage?

One of the central biblical teachings is that there are two sides of all of us, the flesh and the spirit, and while the desires of the spirit are our deepest desires they are often not our strongest desires.

Throughout Christian history there has been an understanding that we need to make choices against our own desires (flesh) so that the deepest desires of the spirit for love, justice, beauty and real freedom can be expressed.

The sex drive can, in the moment, be one of our strongest experiences, but it is only in the context of a long term commitment, can it be an expression of the deep longings of the spirit. Sex is meant to be part of the glue that holds a marriage together and one of the ways that self-giving love is experienced in the context of marriage.

The whole ethos of our faith is about self-giving love, about taking up our cross and putting others ahead of ourselves. Marriage is a public commitment to self-giving love, and sex is meant to be an expression of that love in that context.

It is important though to get some perspective here. Christians seem to over-react in both directions when it comes to sex. Some are so black and white and legalistic that there is no room for people who have made mistakes or who are struggling. Some are so fuzzy that they believe it really is up to whatever feels right to you. Neither is ok.

Jesus sets the clear pattern in relating to the woman caught in Adultery (John 8:1-11) where he affirmed two different things:

1. He doesn’t condemn her
2. He encourages her “to leave your life of sin.”

Most people find it difficult to manage their sexuality at some point in their lives. I have not met anyone who doesn’t have some form of skeleton in their closet in their sexual history. That doesn’t mean its ok, it just means that we are not expected to be perfect, and we are loved by God, no matter what our history has been.

The whole point of Jesus dying on the cross was so that our past didn’t have to define our future.

That said, if you call yourself a Christian and are actively engaging in sex outside of marriage, you are in a pretty challenging position. I can understand why a Tik-Tok like this would be appealing, but you need to know that what Brandan is saying is simply not what the bible teaches.

If you are at a point where you genuinely want to trust Jeusus with your whole life I would encourage you to find someone (other than your partner) who you trust and pray together that God would reveal to you what it means to move forward from where you find yourself now, because there is always a way forward.