Finding True Joy at Christmas: The Gift of “With”

Apparently, one-fifth of people say the Christmas season is a key trigger for loneliness. It’s a difficult time.

Part of the problem lies in how we build Christmas up in our minds. We imagine it as a magical time when family tensions dissolve, joy overflows, and all our longings are fulfilled. But if we’re honest, that ideal never really materializes.

When I was younger, I thought Christmas could fill my inner voids. I hoped that if I just got the perfect cricket bat or even a yacht, my self-doubt and anxiety would disappear. But those Christmases often ended in tears when my expectations weren’t met. Looking back, I see how easy it is to load Christmas with the weight of unrealistic hopes. John Bloom captures this reality well: 

“Looking for joy in the Christmas trappings and traditions is like opening a beautifully wrapped package with a tag that reads “Joy Inside,” only to find the box empty. That’s because our Christmas traditions don’t so much house joy as much as they point to joy. If we want our joy voids filled, we must look less at Christmas and more through Christmas to where indestructible, unspeakable [true] joy really is.”

Bloom’s insight reminds us that our traditions don’t house joy; they point to it. To truly find joy, we must look through Christmas to the deeper truth behind it—where indestructible, unspeakable joy lies.

Isaiah captured this hope centuries before the first Christmas: “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Emmanuel” (Isaiah 7:14). Matthew’s gospel reflects on this prophecy, declaring: “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (Matthew 1:23). Matthew even explains, “Immanuel means ‘God with us.’”

This truth—God with us—bookends the Gospel of Matthew. It begins with the promise of Immanuel and ends with Jesus’ reassuring words: “Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). The story of Christmas begins and ends with this life-changing promise: God is with us.

God With Us

The promise of Christmas is profoundly different from the ways we often approach God.

Sky Jethani, in his book With, describes four common ways people relate to God. Some live under God, seeing Him as a stern authority figure and focusing on following rules to earn His favor. Others place themselves over God, relying on human understanding and treating Him as a set of principles to master. Some approach God as a cosmic gift-giver, seeking life from God to satisfy their desires. Still others pursue life for God, trying to validate their worth by serving Him in significant ways.

But Christmas offers something radically different: life with God. Jesus didn’t come to reinforce rules or principles, nor to give us everything we want or demand we achieve great things for Him. He came to be with us. Life with God is about presence, not performance. It’s about knowing that Jesus steps into the mess and brokenness of our lives, inviting us to walk with Him through it.

The Upside-Down Story of Christmas

The story of Christmas is a paradox. The Messiah didn’t arrive in a palace but in a stable, surrounded by muck and rawness. He wasn’t born to take away life’s difficulties but to transform how we see them. He came to show us that joy and hope are not found in perfection or external circumstances, but in His presence.

This paradox is beautifully captured in a Puritan prayer:

Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,

Thou hast brought me to the Valley of Vision,

Where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights;

Hemmed in by mountains of sin, I behold Thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up,

That to be low is to be high,

That the broken heart is the healed heart,

That the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,

That the repenting soul is the victorious soul,

That to have nothing is to possess all,

That to bear the cross is to wear the crown,

That to give is to receive,

That the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime, stars can be seen from deepest wells,

And the deeper the well, the brighter Thy stars shine.

Let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death,

Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin,

Thy riches in my poverty, and Thy glory in my valley.

This prayer reminds us that Christmas turns our expectations upside down. The promise of Emmanuel isn’t about escaping life’s mess but finding joy and hope in the middle of it.

Jesus came into a messy world—into the chaos, pain, and darkness—to be with us. And because of His presence, we can approach life differently. We don’t need to pretend to have it all together. Instead, we can bring our joys and struggles, hopes and fears, to Him. He meets us in the rawness of our everyday lives and offers something no tradition or gift ever could: Himself.

The True Gift of Christmas

This Christmas, let’s resist the urge to find our joy in the trappings of the season. Instead, let’s remember the promise of Emmanuel: God is with us. He invites us to bring our whole selves—our triumphs and failures, our joys and sorrows—to Him. And in doing so, we discover the true gift of Christmas: life with God.