2 Mar 2011
My wrestle with prayer
I want to pray
I was at the Poatina prayer meeting this morning and noticed there are gradually fewer people gathering to pray.
I don’t blame anyone.
I want to pray.
I want to be someone who prays.
I want to be able to write about how consistent and rewarding my prayer life is…. but I can’t.
For me prayer is a wrestle.
My mind wanders, my feelings vacillate and I find myself wondering whether the still small voice is the Holy Spirit or my imagination.
Why is prayer so hard?
I found this quote very helpful:
“Praying is no easy matter. It demands a relationship in which you allow someone other than yourself to enter into the very center of your person, to see there what you would rather leave in darkness, and to touch there what you would rather leave untouched.”
- Henri J.M. Nouwen
I identify with what Nouwen is saying.
Despite all I am saying, prayer does sustain me, precisely because it is a wrestle.
Prayer causes me to face the part of me that doesn’t want to be faced. It invites me to love Jesus when I want to focus on myself.
Prayer matters, it’s just not very easy to do honestly or sustain.