6 Feb 2011
Fighting for integrity
Conflicting Realities
Lately I’ve been thinking a bit about conflict and how it happens.
It might seem obvious, but I have realised that most often conflict happens because people are seeing the same set of circumstances from a different perspective.
Most of us think we live in reality, however we live in our particular version of reality based on our interpretation of past experiences.
Carl Jung said:
“The most important question you can ask is: what is
the myth (story) by which you live your life?”
Conflict isn’t usually about reality, it is about the story I believe that interprets the reality and how that might be different to the story you believe.
What this means is that conflict is actually about integrity. It is about standing up for the reality you believe you are seeing, being different to the reality the person on the other side of the fence believes they are seeing.
The key to conflict resolution is learning how to listen, learning how to let go of the reality I see long enough to see things from the other persons reality.
My Dad often says
“You will never change a person’s opinion by expressing a stronger opinion”.
It’s true!
Proverbs 18:13 says:
To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.
Conflict is not a bad thing, in fact it’s the key to real fellowship. We need people to challenge the way we see the world.
Proverbs 27:17 says:
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
The answer to conflict isn’t to become marshmallow, but to entertain the possibility that reality might be different to how either of us might be seeing it.
I’m sure that’s why Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 2:16 “we have the mind of Christ.”
It’s not simple, but clashing with other people’s paradigms is a very important way to test that you are not delusional.
I’ve reading ‘The Different Drum’, but Scott Peck, at the moment. Recently I finished the chapter on community making – the phases that get you there. He says that first you go through ‘pseudo community’. A false community, made evident by its lack of conflict. The next phase is chaos, where conflict becomes apparent. There’s more to the phases of community building, but what struck me in a new way is how important conflict is. It seems to be that it is conflict (conflict being a difference of opinion or seeing something differently) is what allows the individual to enter into a community. I am often a person that is uncomfortable with conflict. But if it means that I can bring more of myself to the table – and if it means that others can do the same, then I’d like to be more comfortable with it. How good is it that we see things differently – that we different opinions and thoughts. If we (if I) can be open to that, how much more full would our experience of community be??
heather robertson
February 8th, 2011 at 3:47 ampermalink
just what i needed to read today thanks
mary hooker
February 8th, 2011 at 10:24 ampermalink