Words can hurt and words can heal

Speech matters

I am continuing reflections on 1 Timothy 4:12 where Paul lists a series of characteristics through which Timothy is to set an example

The first one is speech.

I have been very aware of  speech from an early age. I remember seeing my Dad on a stage and thinking “I want to do that”. As I grew however, I became more self conscious, and I distinctly remember the horror of having to do a soliloquy from Hamlet while the whole of my grade 10 English class looked on.

My first full time job was in radio, which I think was part of God’s plan to help me with my self consciousness, and since then I have done a lot of talking.

One of the things I have learned over the years is just how important words are. So many times I have damaged people or damaged trust by talking without thinking.

I wonder whether the reason Paul lists speech first is because it is something we all do, but not necessarily something we all think about. I know I need to be continually aware of what I say, when I say it and to whom I say it.

Words actually shape the reality we live in. If you tell me I am no good enough times, gradually it will begin to affect me and the picture I have of myself. You can change peoples lives with words. You can change the world with words.

The bible makes clear that what we say matters:

keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. (Psalm 34:13)

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver,
but the heart of the wicked is of little value. (Proverbs 10:19-20)

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment (Proverbs 12:18-19)

The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life,  but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. (Proverbs 15:4)

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity. (Proverbs 21:23)

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. (Ecclesiastes 5:2)

The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. (Isaiah 50:4)

Their tongue is a deadly arrow; it speaks with deceit. With his mouth each speaks cordially to his neighbour, but in his heart he sets a trap for him. (Jeremiah 9:8)

They do not turn to the Most High; they are like a faulty bow. Their leaders will fall by the sword because of their insolent words. (Hosea 7:16)

But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned. (Matthew 12:36-37)

Keep reminding them of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen. (2 Timothy 2:14)

If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. (1 Peter 4:11)

Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. (James 3:1-9)

Someone once pointed out that we judge ourselves by our motivations but we judge others by their behaviour. So often when I have said the wrong thing I want people to cut me some slack because of what my intentions were.

It seems as t

hough God wants me to understand that no matter what my motivations are, how my speech affects others really matters, and if I want to be a leader, I need to learn to discipline myself.

It’s not just about saying the wrong thing, but it’s also about making the choice to do the work to say the right things as well.

In all honesty, I still have some way to go for my speech to reflect the values of the Kingdom consistently.

It has been helpful to spend some time reflecting on speech though, and I can see why it is the first thing that Paul mentions in his list of things for Timothy to focus on as part of setting an example for the believers.