Step ten: Face to Face

Communicate

For many people the moment of actual confrontation, is the whole of their experience of conflict.

I wonder how many times you have gone into a disagreement with someone after doing the work I have been speaking about in the last couple of days?

Isn’t it true that mostly we avoid the moment of conflict, and if we do step into a battle it is to prove we are right rather than seek genuine resolution?

No wonder then, that conflict so often results in damaged relationships rather than resolution.

It is no accident that this is step ten, and if you have done the previous nine steps then this moment will be likely to turn out much more positively than it otherwise would have.

As we have already said conflict is not bad, in fact its important.

“I believe in getting into hot water. I think it keeps you clean.”

“To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.”

What is important is how you manage the moment of confrontation. As I have already said, the framework of the Glory of God (which is expounded in a previous post) is fundamental for successful relationships, and vitally important in the moment of actual face to face confrontation.

As you step into the same space as someone you disagree with you are going to need to continually monitor your feeling world, resisting the temptation either to retreat to safety or dominate.

Reviewing the work you have done in the previous steps will set you up to come into the discussion in an empathetic way, particularly keeping in mind what life must be like for the person or people who are on the “other side”.

The job in the moment of confrontation is to work towards having the two sides to become one.  This will only happen when the other party realises you are truly working for a ‘Win-Win’ outcome, and they can join you in the quest for the same outcome.

So step ten is the moment of truth, where you work with the other party for resolution.

Step ten is:

The moment of confrontation

• Keep in mind their perspective and try to communicate in a way they can hear it
• Regularly check for understanding
• Your job is to recruit them to the task of reaching a Win-Win solution, which means you move from being adversaries to working together
• Keep in mind the framework of the Glory of God. Any real resolution must be both just and merciful which will only come from a place of compassion.