23 Aug 2010
Step seven, eight and nine: Finding a real solution
Playing to win
Conflict doesn’t naturally resolve itself. Mary Parker Follet said:
“There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration. By domination only one side gets what it wants; by compromise neither side gets what it wants; by integration we find a way by which both sides may get what they wish.”
Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
We will not build a peaceful world by following a negative path. It is not enough to say we must not wage war. It is necessary to love peace and sacrifice for it. We must concentrate not merely on the negative expulsion of war but on the positive affirmation of peace. We must see that peace represents a sweeter music, a cosmic melody, that is far superior to the discords of war. Somehow, we must transform the dynamics of the world power struggle from the negative nuclear arms race, which no one can win, to a positive contest to harness humanity’s creative genius for the purpose of making peace and prosperity a reality for all the nations of the world. In short, we must shift the arms race into a peace race. If we have a will – and determination – to mount such a peace offensive, we will unlock hitherto tightly sealed doors of hope and transform our imminent cosmic elegy into a psalm of creative fulfillment.
So, steps seven, eight and nine are about finding a path to peace that is Just, Merciful and Compassionate.
Step seven is:
This is where you put Justice to work by looking for real solutions that would:
a) resolve the situation?
b) be best for the other person?
c) be wholeheartedly acceptable to you?
Step eight is:
Go over step seven again.
There may even be somebody you can sit down with who’s a neutral observer and who may be able to help you be brutally’ honest about it.
Step nine is:
Bring all of this exercise as you’ve worked it so far before God.
With complete honesty and set yourself 3 very specific things, expecting him to help you see what might be missing:
- What, if anything in the above. needs to be amended? (If you see it. do it.)
- What attitudes in you need to be changed? (Are you willing?)
- Actually pray for God’s blessing on the other person. Then ask for His presence to guide and teach you in your intended confrontation.
Go expecting Divine involvement and see what happens.