Preaching to myself

Rejoice in suffering?

I had the opportunity to give the valedictory address for our Diploma graduates yesterday.

I have been reading through Romans, and the book is hitting me in a new and fresh way.

One of the things that I am very grateful about is how honest Paul is. In several places he talks about the wrestle with his feelings and also the wrestle with the part of him that longs to take the easy option.

As I gave the valedictory address yesterday, I wasn’t just speaking to our graduates, I was very much speaking to myself too..The passage I chose is one I first came across in a real way about ten years ago:

Romans 5: 2-4 And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

This passage is so challenging because it stands against everything my soul wants to hear. I don’t want to suffer.

I do believe, however, that God cares about my character: and more than any program or technique, character is really what matters in bringing hope.

I think at the moment, the passage has taken on new meaning with my recent trip to South Africa and also some of the challenges we have been facing in Fusion.

In South Africa I saw what happens when people of character can see beyond their personal suffering.

With the challenges in Fusion I have seen how differently people (including myself) respond to challenges and suffering, and how personal pain really is.

For me, I think I am realising and recognizing the deep pain I sometimes feel where I just don’t feel like I can keep going. It comes for all kinds of reasons but usually it is when it feels like I am alone (whether I am actually or not) or that I am not trusted (whether I actually am or not).

The pain is deep and profound.

As I looked at the graduates, I knew too, that they had faced real challenges and oftentimes real pain, in order to be in a place where I could shake their hands and present them with that piece of paper.

At one point I asked the room of about 200 people to raise their hands if their lives had been affected by any one of our graduates. About a third to a half of the room raised their hands.

Because these people didn’t give up, in the face of suffering, they brought hope, not only to those in the room but also to people all over Australia and all over the world.

I want to be someone who brings hope, but this passage tells me in order to do that I need not to avoid the pain that tempts me to walk away.

What I want to celebrate though, is that somehow God meets me most clearly and most gracefully when I have held on. A number of times, even this week, my feeling world told me it was too much. But increasingly I am recognising those feelings as a lie, even though they feel so real and so strong.

I would love God to take the pain away.. and I really identify with Paul when he pleads with God to take the “thorn” in his flesh away.. the constant pain he has to fight with every day.

God’s response to Paul in that moment though, is “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Increasingly I am seeing the truth of that verse..  It is in the battle with the part of me that wants to give up that I become more and more free, and more and more me.

I know that battle will always be with me, just as it will always be with the graduates of our diploma course.

This world will continually offer shortcuts and anaesthetics, but if I and they want to be people of character, people who bring hope, we will make the choices (mostly) to face the pain of our own messiness.