I admit lies and sin

Honesty… is such a lonely word

Since 2006 I have carried around in the back of my bible an article with the heading “Pastor admits lies and sin”.

It is a story about Ted Haggard, one of the most significant leaders of the evangelical church in America who made some significant mistakes.

I carry it around for two reasons:

Firstly as a reminder that we are all in danger of being idiots.

Secondly as a reminder that we all should be admitting lies and sin a whole lot more than we do.

I am sick of the unstated message we end up communicating in the church that somehow we are meant to “have it together”.One of the bits of the bible I like the most is the honesty Paul displays in Romans chapter 7:

^14-16I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.

^17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

^21-23It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

Imagine if a job applicant for a pastors position said something like that : “You know I want to do the right thing but I just can’t”…. Do you think they would get the job?

It’s not the full story, but there genuinely is part of me that likes sin..

Like Paul talks about each day is a battle between the self-centred sinful part of me and the part of me that loves God and other people.

I actually think that unless we can admit this to each other we don’t really understand what Christianity is about.

I love that Jesus says:

“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Mark 2:17)

If its true that Grace finds beauty in ugly things, perhaps there might be a tie up between our real experience of Grace and a conscious awareness of the parts of us that are ugly…

Watch out if you think you have it together.. it may be that you get to a point where you no longer need Jesus.