People are different

The journey towards understanding

I know saying that people are different is like saying the sky is blue.. obvious (unless of course you are English in which case the sky is rarely blue : ) ).

But it is this fundamental observation which I think I am only slowly starting to understand.

I began my journey with this understanding with my wife. She would say something, and I would assume that she meant what I would have meant if I said the same thing…. she almost never did (or does).

I am in the process of developing a mental Leeanne translation book.. to translate her actions and language into a format I can understand.. I think it will be a lifelong process.

The  mob I work with, Fusion, are going through a significant transition at the moment. My Dad started Fusion and for many years it was  clearly his view of the world that shaped the reality in which we live.. that’s not bad, its normal. I like this quote:

Every great institution is the lengthened shadow of a single man. His character determines the character of the organization. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

The challenge is now, with Dad no longer in leadership, we are working on the establishment of a leadership, rather than looking to find a leader who will replace him.

I think this journey means that we are really having to come to terms with the fact that people are different if we are truly wanting to find a way together.

One of the most helpful learning experiences I have had is the Group Life Laboratory. The purpose of that exercise is to discover both how groups work and also how you work in groups.

The thesis behind the Group Life Laboratory is that all groups follow a predictable pattern of development. Often they will get stuck at one point or other, but if there is enough maturity in the group it will find its way to “valid communication”.

Bennis and Shepherd, who invented the notion of Group Life laboratories say:

The resolution of interpersonal problems involves each group member verbalizing his own private conceptual scheme for understanding human behaviour, both his own behaviour and that of others. When this

is possible, the group has achieved its goal of valid communication.

The resolution of interpersonal problems involves each group member verbalizing his own private conceptual scheme for understanding human behaviour, both his own behaviour and that of others. When this is possible, the group has achieved its goal of valid communication.

This is a long way of saying, “I need to understand what you mean when you say something, and you need to understand what I mean when I say something – and that will take work”.

Or to put it another way:

¹⁴Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. ¹⁵If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.¹⁶And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. ¹⁷If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? ¹⁸But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. ¹⁹If they were all one part, where would the body be? ²⁰As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

²¹The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” ²²On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable,²³and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, ²⁴while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, ²⁵so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. ²⁶If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

In Fusion I think the noses are on the journey to understand the journey of the foot, the hands are starting to glimpse the life of an eye and the mouths are coming to terms with the sound of the ears.

It’s not an easy journey, but its the right journey if we are to find our way to real fellowship.